Candid

So, clearly I've taken a small hiatus from posting. Mostly, this is because our camera is interior at our village home, and we are not. Yet.

Sometimes, I don't know what to post on here. Thank God for photos, is all i have to say. But at this moment, i feel like maybe i should allow myself to be candid. One of the biggest reasons i've not posted lately, is because i don't exactly have anything nice to say.

I'm tired. Exquisitely so. And not just physically. I'm worn out emotionally by all the plans that are made just to be unravelled before our eyes by unseen forces, by the cultural differences that normally don't get under my skin but are now setting my short wick ON FIRE!! Saddened and further exhausted by the stress of raising one very strong willed child, and one very busy baby - in the context of some very critical and unforgiving people. Sometimes, i just want to go home.

**GASP!**

I just said it. I am the worst missionary - ever.

Sometimes i have to come to the brutal remembrance that it's not actually WE that can accomplish any of this work, but Christ in us. And His timing is not ours. Often He moves at a confoundingly slower pace than i would choose - because He knows better. Obviously. And He made these people on this island. Then He sent us here to live with and love them. He gave these crazy nerds to us as children, and...so help me...

I'm tired.

I KNOW all the right answers, and the things i should be thinking and feeling - but some days - some weeks - it just doesn't come so easy, ya know?

There it is. Confessions from the worst missionary ever. Judge if you must.